


Anything Goes

by arsons



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Fluff, Humor, Love Across The Universe: Dangan Salmon Team, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-18 19:07:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18125279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arsons/pseuds/arsons
Summary: 16 students get randomly kidnapped to be unwilling participants in Momokuma’s dazzling, spectacular, sensational: Reality Dating Show!It’s also pathetic. Like, really pathetic. Kokichi somehow finds a way to make the most of it.





	Anything Goes

**Author's Note:**

> i don’t really tend to refer to anything i write as crack humor, buuut... well. you know. come on. i love lies and jokes.

“Momota Kaito,” Kokichi says in greeting, taking some intricate and definitely exaggeratory bow directly in Momota’s path after being—quite rudely—full-body smacked into by the guy as he turned a corner.

“Ugh,” Momota says, fixing his jacket. “You.”

Really, Kokichi doesn’t believe in God and fate and destiny and all the other crap like that, but may they all strike him down this instant if a guy like this ended up in front of him for any reason other than to be harassed.

Momota scowls. ”You’re that little fucker who’s been running around telling everyone the punishment for not dating someone is execution, right?”

“The one and only!” Kokichi confirms. “Nothing wrong with telling the truth around these parts. I wanted you all to know the truth because I really love the truth. Did you know I own six boats?”

“Bye,” Momota says, moving to take a step around Kokichi, who blocks him.

“Wait! Wait, wait wait wait. You’re skipping off already? We’ve only just met.”

“Dude, I do _not_ skip.”

“Okay, fine, fine, sure. Trotting off already? We’ve only just met.”

“I don’t fuckin’ trot, either!”

“Moonwalking off already? We’ve only—“

“That,” Momota says, “was the worst one. Don’t finish it.”

“Ah, but also the most clever!” Kokichi winks. “And look, you stayed right here! I knew a good ol’ classic spaceman couldn’t resist one good ol’ classic space joke. Say, you got any space jokes of your own? They always say funny-looking people have the funniest—“

Momota physically moves Kokichi out of the way to continue his path down the hall.

“Fine!” Kokichi yells. “Be like that! But just so you know, now that you’ve touched me, you’ve been cursed with a level 98 love spell! You’ll be head over heels for me by the end of the week!”

Momota doesn’t turn back, but he waves his middle finger right before he disappears through a doorway.

“Hm,” Kokichi says, and turns a corner of his own.

-

The next time Kokichi runs into Momota, he is, rather fruitlessly, punching at the giant barrier that’s separating them from the outside world that lies beyond it. As if it’ll do anything.

“Oh, I knew you’d be here!” Kokichi says. “Putting some hard time into completing useless work. You’re still optimistic, or was this just some display of dominance that backfired once you realized you’ve got noodle arms?”

Momota stops inspecting the wall to turn and squint at _him_ , instead. “Okay, wait a fucking second. The hell was that one?  _Noodle_ _arms?_ ”

“Yeah, spaghetti muscles, rigatoni tendons, penne hair. Say, do you use Prego or Ragu to get it spiked like that?”

Momota looks away, angry. “I don’t have time for your shit,” he grits out, continuing to check for weak spots in the glass around them. Kokichi’s already checked. There aren’t any. He takes a step closer.

“Of all the shit I could get fucking kidnapped for,” Momota’s grumbling to himself, “I end up forced onto some bullshit reality dating show. Fuckin’ figures.”

Kokichi shrugs. “Could be worse. You heard those bear-bots say this was originally supposed to be a murder dome. Ooh, just like the Colosseum! Okay, I’m taking it back. That would’ve been super fun!”

Momota scoffs. “Yeah, think I probably would’ve preferred that at this point.”

“Whaaat? No way! Or, no way  _you_ would’ve. You’d totally be the first one dead!”

Momota actually turns at that. “ _I’d_ be the first one dead?” he huffs. “Have you ever even _heard_ yourself talk?”

“Uh, _duh_ ,” Kokichi says. “I speak purely in riddles, which gives me the wisdom and intelligence advantage. I’d win a killing game for sure!”

“Fuck no you wouldn’t!” Momota counters. “It’s been two days, and I’m already about to kick your ass into orbit!”

“Oh, so what’s that mean? You’re implying _you_ would try and kill me? Good talk, but that seems unlikely.”

Momota looks like some of the fight’s drained out of him, and he rolls his eyes. “If only ‘cause I think you’d annoy me to death first,” he concedes, and punches the wall. Nothing happens.

Kokichi smiles at Momota’s back. The guy is totally stupid, but at least he’s got _some_ common sense. 1% is still more than 0, after all. Kokichi walks over to the dome as well, assisting in whatever dumbass attempt Momota’s making at getting the hell out.

“So,” Kokichi says. “How’s the love spell treating you?”

“D’you miss the part where I said I’d kick your ass?”

“Oh, good!” Kokichi smiles. “You’re already prepared to marry me. Phew, and I got worried for a second there.”

Momota rolls his eyes again and begins walking a line down around the barrier, which Kokichi quickly follows.

“Look,” Momota says over his shoulder. “Dude. There’s 14 other people here for you to start shit with, but you really had to go and pick me?”

“Of course,” Kokichi says. “To be totally honest, I’m just trying to seduce you! I’ve always wanted to date someone who’s been on the moon.”

Momota looks like he’s about to say something, then stops. Kokichi peers up at his face from the side, where Momota is staring purposefully into his reflection, and for half a second, he almost manages to look embarrassed. “You’re...” he starts, “fucking ridiculous.” Oh, and he almost manages to _sound_ embarrassed, too. “There’s... Come on, man, there’s 8 girls here, or whatever.”

“Huuuh?” Kokichi says. “Are some of the girls astronauts, too, or are you just implying that women come from the moon or something?”

Momota turns his head even further away. “Think we were supposed to pair off...” he mumbles, and Kokichi actually throws his head back to laugh at that.

“Nishishi! Oh, you’re reaaal funny, Momota-chan! You want all of us to pair off into straight couples? With Chabashira-chan around? You’re nuts. Someone’s gotta take one for the team on this side, and I’ve already volunteered us!”

Momota jumps back around to face him. “Huh!?” he says. “W—What the fuck are you going on about? Volunteering us!?”

“Bingo!” Kokichi cheers. “Unless—oh, nooo, don’t tell me! You already paired off with Saihara-chan, didn’t you?”

Momota goes full red at that. Kokichi smiles. Red’s a nice color on him, really.

“Y-You,” Momota fumbles, “are out of your fucking mind. Just ‘cause I was hanging out with—“

“He actually went and bought one of those stupid little date tickets, didn’t he? That’s too funny! Making your contestants pay money to interact with each other... Nishishi, doesn’t Monokuma know I’m a secret supreme leader of evil, though? I don’t get paid for my crimes! I’m basically doing charity work, and _this_ is how he thanks me?”

“I think,” Momota says, “I’m gonna be fucking sick.”

“Okaaay!” Kokichi smiles. He steps away from the glass. “Good luck with your little escape attempt, then. I hate seeing people puke, so I’ll skedaddle before you blow chunks everywhere. Oh, but don’t forget, you’ve got a prior obligation with your love life right here, so if you ever—“

“Oh, fuck off!” Momota interrupts, and Kokichi giggles hysterically the whole way back to his room.

-

“Love of my life!” Kokichi screams down the hall, and he actually _sees_ Momota jump into the air. Visibly. It’s wonderful.

“My moon and my stars! The yin to my yang! The secret government testing facility to my roadkilled alien corpse!”

”Shut up!” Momota yells, and starts sprinting.

Kokichi _loves_ tag. He sprints, too.

-

“Did you know astronauts have the highest rate of memory loss out of any profession out there?” Kokichi announces, right after throwing the kitchen door back on its hinges to sweep open for his dramatic reveal.

Momota looks taken aback, presumably at both Kokichi’s words and his arrival. He may have won their game of tag yesterday, but he’s still apparently unaccostomed to Kokichi’s spontaneous appearances.

“That’s,” Momota says, dazed, then manages to pull himself together somewhat. “That’s not fuckin’ true,” he continues. “You’re making shit up.”

“Oh?” Kokichi frowns, and he breaks out the air quotes for his next sentence. “And why would I ‘ _make_ _shit_   _up’_ about dentists?”

“Huh? The fuck are you—“

“Dentistry!” Kokichi yells. “You idiot! How did you forget we were talking about that!? And when it’s so dear to my heart!”

Momota goes from confused to bewildered in half a second. “W-W-What are you talking about!? You didn’t say anything about dentists!”

“Of course I did!” Kokichi yells, now bordering on enraged. “Of course I brought up dentistry! It’s my Ultimate, you amnesiac bastard!”

”No it’s not!” Momota yells back. “You’re the Supreme... Uh, Supreme—whatever the hell it was!”

”Nuh uh!”

”Yeah huh!”

”Nuh _uh!_ ”

”Yeah _huh_ , fucker!”

Kokichi finally deflates. “Okaaay, you caught me,” he sighs. “I’m not a dentist, even if I _have_ drilled a few holes in people’s teeth.”

Momota recoils, and Kokichi knows right then that he would pay a _large_ sum of his nonexistent money to see what was going through his head at that. Theoretically, of course. Because the money doesn’t exist. He takes some steps closer to look at what Momota’s piled on his plate.

Kokichi grimaces at it. “Why so much meat?” he asks. “I hope you’re not secretly a werewolf moonlighting around here, waiting to turn and strike at any minute. That’d be pretty bad for publicity! Or, no, wait, it might be kinda good, actually—“

”Ouma,” Momota says. “Jackass. Man. I think having a guy like you around is doing enough shit for publicity. At least, it’s doing shit _here_ , ‘cause I can’t fucking escape it.”

Kokichi blinks.

Momota sighs. ”Can you just move so I can go eat my goddamn lunch?”

“Fine!” Kokichi says, throwing his hands up theatrically. “Fine, fine, sure _thing_ , _what_ ever. I’ll move, but you didn’t answer my question, Momota-chan. Sooo, why so much meat?”

Momota pushes the door to the dining hall open with his foot, and Kokichi follows close behind to take a seat next to him at the table. Momota manages to look only slightly annoyed.

“I’m still in my fuckin’ astronaut training, obviously,” he says. “Even if I got kidnapped or some shit. And, hey, it’s protein. I have to keep up with 3500 calories a day.”

”3500 calories a day!” Kokichi gasps. “That’s crazy. If I were you, I’d tell ‘em to screw their heads back on the right way!”

Momota snorts. “ _Them?_ ” he questions.

”Bosses, managers, mentors—whoever, y’know? But...I guess it evens out a bit, huh? Nishishi, since you’re eating so much food, I bet they’ve probably got you on a preeetty strict workout routine.”

Momota looks at Kokichi for a second. Kokichi screws his face up.

”What?” he asks. “What is it? Are my dentures falling out again?”

Momota rolls his eyes. “Tch, shut up. But, uh... I am on a workout routine, actually. Just surprised that you figured, I guess.”

”Of course I figured!” Kokichi says. “I’m not stupid, you know? I can put two and two together! And on that note, you must be going to the gym after this to work all your calories off, right?”

”Eh,” Momota grunts, noncommittal, and lifts food to his mouth. “I don’t fuckin’ know, actually. I was gonna—“

”No way!” Kokichi loudly interrupts, and Momota flinches. “Toootally no way! You’re gonna start slacking off _already?_ Don’t tell me you were gonna go take a nap or something dumb!”

Momota blinks a little bit too quickly.

“Aw, come onnn, Momota-chan!” Kokichi drawls. He rests the side of his face against his hand, and a proposition comes to him a moment later.

“Oh!” he says. “Oh, okay, fine, then how about this? You and me in the gym once you’re done, racing to 100 push-ups!”

Momota chokes around a mouthful of food. “What!?” he says. He swallows before continuing. “Are—Are you being real with me right now? A race to—“

”100 push-ups!” Kokichi confirms again. “I’m serious! Or... _no_ , don’t tell me,” he says, and brings a finger to his lips. “Is Momota-chan _scared_ that I’m going to beat him at his own game and _steal_ his Ultimate title?”

Momota, for all it’s worth, actually gets a glint of...something, in his eyes. Determination? Resolve? Whatever it is, it makes Kokichi’s heart skip a beat. In a good way.

“No fucking way you’d beat me to 100 push-ups!” Momota affirms. “Ten minutes, okay? I’ll finish this, and then you’re goddamn _on_.”

“I accept your challenge!” Kokichi counters, trying to match Momota’s level of passion with his own words. “Ten minutes, Momota-chan, and then you’ll be eating my dust!”

-

“COME ON, MOMOTA-CHAN! YOU GOTTA WANT IT!”

“I _want_ ,” Momota strains as he lowers them again, “for you to stop fuckin’  _screaming_ at me!”

”Screaming is the best motivation, right next to ransom! So come _on_ , Momota-chan! Another push-up!”

” _You_ only did _eight_ before you pulled this bullshit!”

Kokichi puts his hands on Momota’s back to steady himself, where he’s sitting cross-legged on top of the guy. For as complicated a position as it is, Momota’s managed both balancing him and completing his workout just fine.

”So?” Kokichi says. “ _I’m_ not the astronaut! _You’re_ the one who has to finish, or you won’t ever see your family again!”

“What!?” Momota cries. “What the fuck are you saying _now!?_ ”

”Your family!” Kokichi yells back. “They need you! You’ve already done _so_ much, so don’t—!”

The door swings open, a metal clicking sound echoing off the high walls and ceilings. Kokichi looks up instantly at the noise, and Akamatsu is standing in the entrance, frozen halfway through stepping inside, blinking at them.

Akamatsu quickly composes herself. ”What,” she says, “are you two _doing?_ ”

Momota stops. “Is that—?”

”Gym’s taken, Akamatsu-chan!” Kokichi calls over to her. “If you brought your emo beanpole here to make out or something, you’re gonna need to find another place!”

“Hey!” Akamatsu says, right as Momota says, “ _Dude_.”

”I was only  _looking_ for the both of you,” Akamatsu says, crossing her arms, “and Saihara-kun suggested I check the gym! But if you’re going to be—“

”Yup, I am!” Kokichi says. “Whatever important news you’ve got for us can wait! Momota-chan’s family is being dangled over a _boiling_   _tar_ _pit_ right now!”

”W—Wait, when the fuck did _that_ detail get added!?” Momota stammers.

”Fine!” Akamatsu says. “Jeez. You can keep...doing this, whatever it is, but you should know that Toujou-san wants everyone to meet for dinner in an hour!”

“Sure!” Kokichi says, waving a mock-salute over at Akamatsu. “And next time you interrupt us, you should make sure it’s for something we care about!”

“We _do_ care about that, asshole!” Momota corrects him. “Thanks, Akamatsu! I’ll”—he exhales as he lowers himself again—“keep that in mind!”

Akamatsu frowns over at Kokichi, still balanced on Momota’s back, and she makes a quick departure. Kokichi sticks his tongue out as the door swings shut behind her, just for good measure.

Momota does about two more push-ups before he drops to the floor. Kokichi scrambles off of him.

”Ugh,“ Momota breathes. “ _God_. Fuckin’ hell, trying to carry you...”

”It was a valiant effort!” Kokichi smiles, reclining back to lie beside Momota where he’s collapsed. “Your family is on standby for the moment. The evil villain must’ve gotten tired, or something.”

Momota glances over at him and rolls his eyes. “Tch.  _That’s_ what you came up with?”

Kokichi ignores that. ”But whatever!” he says. “We’ll just take a short break, then we can start riiight back up again to throw them in peril. Oh, and then we’ll get dinner, and then we’ll repeat all of this! Next time, I’ll beat you for sure!”

Momota makes a sound that could be a laugh, maybe, then half-heartedly punches Kokichi on the shoulder.

”Alright,” Momota grins. “Fine, man. I’d fucking _love_ to watch you try and do more than eight push-ups.”

”Oh, you will!” Kokichi promises. “In fact, you’re gonna watch me do _nine!_ ”

Later that evening, Kokichi does about two before conveniently recalling that his body is dangerously susceptible to spontaneous combustion, especially when he exercises, so he’s sadly and regrettably forced to stop.

When he explains that, Momota _definitely_ laughs; it’s a very clear, warm sound that can’t be confused for anything else.

All in all, Kokichi decides, his day could’ve been worse.

-

“Sooo, we’re like, halfway through this whole ordeal,” Kokichi says, attaching himself to Momota’s side, “and you still haven’t even taken me out on an official date yet! I’d tell you to get on that soon, but you must be suuuper broke, too. Just like me!

”I’m fucking busy,” Momota says.

”I can tell,” Kokichi offers, inspecting Momota’s profile. He’s got that same passionate glint back in his eye from the other day—the one that Kokichi really personally enjoys, for no specific reason he can think of. “You’ve got some  _real_ intense look about you right now. Are you mad? That’s it! You must be mad.”

Momota doesn’t answer, but he keeps a steady pace alongside Kokichi as they walk down the hall together, so he can’t be _that_ mad, Kokichi figures. If he were, he would’ve run off. Or hit his arm. Or called Kokichi the devil incarnate, so.

Kokichi clears his throat. “Lemme guess,” he starts. “You’re going to beat someone up for wronging you personally! Or an alien broke in, and you’ve been sent to handle it! Wait, no! There’s a—“

”Ouma, do you ever fucking stop?” Momota asks, but then _he_ stops, physically and suddenly, and Kokichi has to skid around to face him. Momota turns to look down the staircase, then shakes his head.

”I shouldn’t have asked,” he says, and he abruptly switches his path. Kokichi squawks and chases after him. “I know by now that you just fuckin’ don’t.”

”Harsh, Momota-chan!” Kokichi says, and grabs a fistful of his jacket to keep up with him. “Hey, slow down! My little legs can’t carry me as quickly as yours can! Where are we going, anyway?”

”To check something,” Momota mutters, low, and their fast strides soon lead them to the front door of the library. Momota pushes it open and steps inside, looking around.

”Sure, but you’re being _way_ too strange,” Kokichi says. “I’d hate to be whoever you’re searching for right now!”

Momota doesn’t answer. He walks over to a bookshelf, stares it down for a second, then pulls it forward and out of place with his hands.

Kokichi’s eyebrows shoot up.

”Property destruction?” he asks. “Oh, wow, that’s it! You’re trying to get evicted from the show. Why didn’t I think of that!? Ooh, ooh, lemme try—!”

Momota spins around to fix Kokichi with a glare. “Do _not_ ,” he stresses, “break any shit in here. I’m just lookin’ for something Shuuichi mentioned...”

Kokichi shrugs, then proceeds to _not_ break any shit in there. Not because Momota told him to. Just because he didn’t feel like it anymore. Yeah. That.

Momota sighs after a few minutes of disorderly inspection then nods his head at Kokichi, a sharp gesture towards the door. Kokichi smiles. He gets up from where he perched himself on a desk and trots along after Momota, the two of them ending up in the game room—which gets turned over in the same fashion the library was—and then the AV room shortly after.

The bookshelves around them are stacked fully and overflowing with copies of movies, TV shows, and the odd personal recording, and Kokichi sorts through them lazily as Momota scatters the contents of the room around.

”Fuck,” Momota says after a few minutes, dropping some cardboard box of posters back onto the floor. “Fuck, dude! There’s nothing...”

Kokichi turns around to look at him, a frustrated expression on Momota’s face. “Nothing...?” he prompts.

”Nothing here,” Momota grunts, kicking the box with his foot. “Fucking hell. Shuuichi said something about—I don’t fuckin’ know, finding some shit ‘downstairs’ that was suspicious. Maybe he didn’t even mean the basement...”

Momota trails off, seemingly lost in contemplation. Kokichi looks at him.

Normally, the idea of something suspicious would be pretty concerning to Kokichi, but Momota doesn’t seem to notice what’s going on on the other side of the room. So Kokichi takes the opportunity to creep up behind him.

”Look!” Kokichi cries, and Momota jumps about a foot in the air. And swears in Russian.

“Oh?” Kokichi says, right as Momota whips around to face him. “You speak Russian? That’s so cool! Why didn’t you tell me? I _love_ Russian. Russian is my first language!”

“Wh-What the fuck was that!?” Momota stutters. “What are you talking about?”

Kokichi taps his chin. “Well, I _was_ gonna show you this amateur ghost footage tape I found,” he says, and Momota stiffens up instantly. “Buuut, now there’s no need to!” Kokichi leans closer. “Have you ever seen the movie _Nochnoy Dozor?_ ”

Momota looks away. Kokichi can’t help think it’s in embarrassment, or something. Momota looks...way too cute when he gets embarrassed.

”Th-That shitty Russian horror movie?” he asks. “N-No, I haven’t...”

”Oh, good!” Kokichi smiles. “Monokuma’s got a recording of it down here. And since you didn’t find whatever you were looking for, we can put it on right now!”

“What—now!?” Momota falters.

”Now!” Kokichi cheers, and takes his hand to drag him to the couch. Momota doesn’t budge. “C’mon, Momota-chan, don’t be such a little wimp about it!”

”I-I’m not a—! I’m not a fuckin’ wimp, alright!?”

Kokichi spins to face him, his smile dark. “Then prove it,” he hisses, taking a step closer to Momota. “Then prove that you’re not a—“

”Fine!” Momota yells, and pushes Kokichi to the side. He stomps to the couch and plants himself directly on it.

Kokichi smiles now, his normal and bright expression back on his face. “Okay!” he cheers, then skips over to the bookshelf where he found the movie. He puts it in the player, grabs the remote, and takes a seat right next to Momota.

Who scoots closer.

And closer.

”Um,” Kokichi says, just as the movie starts up in a language that he, admittedly, does not understand. “Momota-chan? Everything okay?”

”Everything’s fucking _great_ ,” Momota grits out, wrapping an arm tight around Kokichi’s side.

Kokichi lets himself be pulled closer. “You’re sure?” he asks.

” _Yes_ ,” Momota forces, swinging his other arm over Kokichi as well.

Kokichi tries to shrug, but his movement gets impeded by how tightly Momota has wound himself to him. Which also is, admittedly, kind of nice.

”Whatever you saaay,” Kokichi hums, and settles back against Momota as some soldiers begin to march their way across the screen, a heavy, creepy melody pouring out from the speakers.

-

“Ah!” Kiibo says. “Good evening, Mo—mo...ta-kun?”

“What?” Kokichi huffs. “What’s the big idea, Kiiboy? Never seen humans holding hands before? Well, we’re not here to be your little guinea pigs! Go make a spectacle somewhere else!”

Kiibo starts a bit. “I’m not making a spectacle!” he accuses. “Once again, your robophobia is—!”

”Boo!” Kokichi yells. “Back off! I’ve got an astronaut to deposit!”

Kiibo seems prepared to say more, but then his eyes drift back to Momota. “Um,” Kiibo says. “Ouma-kun. Is he...”

”Perfectly fine!” Kokichi assures. “Can’t you tell? We’re just a couple of friends, taking a niiice little stroll back to his room right now. Isn’t that right, Momota-chan?”

Momota doesn’t answer; he doesn’t even uncover his face from where it’s buried in the crook of his free arm. Kokichi continues on, pulling Momota with him, and Kiibo only stares as they disappear around a bend.

-

Kokichi is just getting ready for bed when the speaker system rings throughout his room to alert him that he’s got a visitor.

And rings.

And keeps ringing and ringing and ringing over and _over_ and _over_ until Kokichi pulls the door open _hard_ in preparation to chew out whoever the _hell_ thought it would be _oh_ -so funny to—

The light behind him spills into the hallway to illuminate Momota, who flinches.

“H-Hey,” Momota says, trying to lean casually against the doorframe. Presumably. Because he really is _trying_. He’d probably pull it off better if he weren’t shaking like a leaf.

Kokichi blinks drearily out at him. “Um. Hi?” he says. “Momota-chan? What brought you to—“

”Uh,” Momota interrupts, then coughs to clear his throat for a good ten seconds.

Kokichi blinks again, slowly.

”So,” Momota continues, then stops.

Kokichi blinks at him for a third, exaggerated time. Momota pales.

”Listen, man,” Momota finally attempts, “uh... I... I was w-wondering about...”

”Wondering about...?” Kokichi sighs.

”Y-Yeah, uh, I was... I was thinking that—“

“Oh,” Kokichi says, right as it hits him. “ _Oh_. Wait... No _way!_ Momota-chan, are you...”

”N-No!” Momota jolts. “Don’t say—!”

”Are you actually—“

”I’m not!”

”—still worried about—“

”I-I was just—!”

”—that movie from earlier?”

“No!” Momota shouts, and despite the dissent, Kokichi has never seen a person’s expression scream _YES_ so openly before. It could not be any more clear if Momota got a giant, red marker and scrawled _YES_ across his forehead.

Kokichi sighs. He pushes his door further open.

”Sure thing. We’ll act like you’re not scared, but—“

”Hey!” Momota interjects.

”—but you’re welcome to stay the night, Momota-chan. If only ‘cause I love you so much and have a huge, caring heart.”

Momota pauses to consider his face, as if looking for ill intentions, but Kokichi just smiles.

“Thank you,” Momota breathes after a moment. He pushes around Kokichi in one swift movement to throw himself onto the bed.

”Hey!” Kokichi suddenly frets. “H-Hey! Momota-chan! That’s—that’s  _my_ bed, you know! You can’t _sleep_ there!”

Despite Kokichi’s appeal, ten minutes later finds Momota sleeping there.

He also snores.

Kokichi stares at the ceiling from beside him, where he’s tucked into Momota’s shoulder, held safely in place by the arm folded across his back.

Momota is very warm.

And, most of all, he is _not_  that endearing.

Really.

_Really_ really.

He might be...a  _little_ endearing, Kokichi admits, and he curls his own arm over Momota’s chest before closing his eyes.

-

It’s a peculiar but pleasant surprise when Kokichi pushes the front door to the library open and Momota turns to look at him, holding a book at a shelf against the wall.

Kokichi raises an eyebrow.

”Let me guess,” Momota says, shutting the book in his hands. “You’ve come down with an infectious disease or some shit, and it’s super contagious, and you’re here to make me catch it.”

Kokichi puts a hand over his heart. “Wh-Why...” he sniffles. “Why would you joke about my illness, Momota-chan? H-How cruel... H-Hey! Th-That’s...!”

”Oh, fucking _God_ ,” Momota says, reaching a hand out in either defense or consolidation. “Ouma, don’t start—“

”WAAAAHHHH!!!” Kokichi screams, tears rolling down his face. “M-Momota-chan d-d-doesn’t th-think I—!”

”Stop!” Momota yells. “Wh-What the hell!? Ouma!”

”Yeah?” Kokichi asks, looking up at him. He sniffles loudly and wipes the tears off his face with his shirt sleeve. “Is there a problem? You just yelled.”

Momota blinks at him.

”Oh!” Kokichi says, skipping over. “About my illness, right? You don’t have to worry! You already caught my love curse a while back, so you’re immune to anything else.”

Momota still looks disconcerted when he says, “Uh... R-Right, dude.” He finally relaxes his posture. “Real hilarious, or whatever.”

“Yeah, isn’t it?” Kokichi smiles. He leans in closer. “By the way. Your hair looked _real_ cute all frazzled like that yesterday morning.”

Momota starts. “Whatever!” he says loudly, and he opens his book back up, just a bit more red in the face.

Kokichi basks in that reaction for a second then leans over to inspect the writing; he doesn’t understand or even recognize the language.

“Alien scripture?” he asks.

Momota scoffs. “Fuck if I know. Maybe? I’ve got no goddamn clue what any of this shit is.” He flips another page to reveal the exact same type of lettering. “Nothing here makes sense.”

Kokichi glances up at Momota’s face, focused and frustrated. Or, he more than glances; he stares for a few seconds. Just because...body language is important when getting a read on intention, obviously. And, well. It’s not like he’s, like, _ugly_ or anything.

Kokichi clicks his tongue. “You’re still looking for whatever Saihara-chan talked about, aren’t you?”

Momota meets his eyes and seems to run an inspection of his own, a mutual and tacit attempt at reading each other. Kokichi’s not sure what he finds.

Momota closes the book and takes a deep breath. Kokichi reflexively takes a step after Momota as he turns away; he catches himself and freezes again.

“Man, I don’t know how the hell you’ve been holding it together so damn well in this kind of place,” Momota sighs. He slides the book back onto the shelf. “I can’t fucking stand this shit.”

Kokichi blinks at his back. “You...” he starts. “You really can’t stand to be around me? M-Momota-chan...! That’s p-pretty—!”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t start the damn crocodile tears again, dude,” Momota says. He turns back around. “Besides, you know that’s not what I meant.”

Kokichi’s stomach does a somersault. He ignores it. “Then what _did_ you mean?” he hums. “Is this why you were punching the wall so hard last week, even though there was _obviously_ no chance of breaking it?”

Momota starts a bit at that. “Hey!” he says. “Y-You helped me with that in the first place!”

”Hmm, yeah, I did! I felt kinda bad for you,” Kokichi drawls. He inspects his nails. “You looked pretty pathetic.”

Momota sighs hard and glances away.

Kokichi takes the opportunity to look at Momota’s face again. He’s easy to read, really; Momota’s the kind of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, even if he doesn’t always want to. It’s stupid behavior. Why someone would let themselves do that is lost on Kokichi, but... It certainly makes _his_ job easier, even if it’s a dumb way to carry yourself.

Kokichi wasn’t expecting to, but...he comes to a certain decision.

”Hey,” he says.

Momota meets his eyes.

”There’s a door behind the middle bookshelf on the back wall.”

They’re quiet for a few seconds.

“Wh...” Momota eventually starts. “What?”

Kokichi sighs. “I said there’s a hidden door behind a bookshelf. Check it out!”

With that, he skips over to the bookshelf in question and gives it a tug. It unfolds at once, just as it did last time he was here; Momota takes a disbelieving step backwards as it swings on a hinge to reveal an industrial door and card reader behind it.

Kokichi glances back at Momota, who is, apparently, lost for words. “Well, there you have it!” he says. “Not sure what it’s _actually_ about, but... There’s some weird implications with it being here, I’m sure.”

Momota still doesn’t speak.

Kokichi sighs again. “Hey, come on... Why’s it matter that much, anyway? We’re outta here real soon, you know. Especially since you’re due to confess your love for me today.”

The joke seems to finally bring Momota back to his senses. He shakes himself, but the remnants of his emotional whiplash are still obvious in his expression. “Holy shit, dude,” is all he says.

Kokichi smiles. “That’s what I thought.” He pushes the bookshelf to the side, and it undergoes the mechanisms to revert itself back into place. As it closes, he walks back towards Momota.

Kokichi stands in front of him. “Hey,” he says. Momota looks down at him. “Didn’t you hear me the first time, Momota-chan?” He takes another step closer to tug on his jacket. “Why’s it matter so much to you?”

Even tensing up and closing his eyes isn’t enough to hide what Momota is feeling, but he does it anyway. Kokichi stares up at him.

“Could this,” he starts, “just pooossibly, maaaybe, have something to do with all that ‘ _Luminary_ _of_ _the_ _Stars!_ ’ business you’re always going on about?”

Momota makes sudden eye contact with him. It’s startling, but it doesn’t last; he breaks it again after some seconds. They’re having a strange push and pull, Kokichi thinks. Getting nearer and further reciprocally, and...he thinks he has a clue as to why.

Kokichi frowns just as Momota turns his head away. Again. “I don’t...” Momota starts, then sighs. “It’s just. Being so confined...it doesn’t really suit a guy with aspirations to take on the universe, you know?”

So, that’s it. It feels like whatever Momota just said was important. Kokichi tilts his head back and forth, then lets go of his jacket.

“That’s deep, Momota-chan!” Kokichi settles on. “Really gives me insight into how you’re feeling. Thanks for sharing!”

Momota doesn’t look back towards him, but he scoffs at the patronizing tone. “Right, dude. Sure fucking thing.”

Kokichi leans closer to catch Momota’s eye, which he finally does; he appears annoyed, maybe, but that doesn’t matter.

“Just so you know,” Kokichi says, “I wouldn’t want a guy like you playing everyone’s hero, anyway.”

Momota frowns. “The hell is that supposed to mean?” he asks.

“Hmm,” Kokichi hums. “You shouldn’t push yourself like that all the time. It could lead to some dangerous outcomes, you know? And no one would want that, so I really am glad you decided to be honest with me. I feel muuuch better now.”

Momota looks like he’s about to say something, but Kokichi is quicker; he steps in and grabs Momota’s jacket again.

“I do have one question for you, though,” Kokichi says.

Momota blinks. “...What’s that?”

“How are you supposed to take on the universe...if you can’t even take on... _me?_ ”

Momota doesn’t get to react before Kokichi is pushing his jacket off his right shoulder; in the same movement, he reaches up and grabs the top of his left sleeve, and he strips it down off Momota’s arm to leave it hanging inside-out. Kokichi bundles the jacket up and runs for the corner; it happens so suddenly that it takes Momota a second to realize what he’s done.

”H—Hey! What the fuck!?” Momota yells, spinning around. “Ouma! Give that back!”

”Nishishi!” Kokichi giggles, and as Momota rushes over, he takes refuge behind a desk to separate them. “Non non, I don’t think so! I’ve just come to the decision that I want it!”

”Th-That’s not how it fucking works!” Momota counters, trying to step around the thing. Kokichi quickly positions himself on the opposite end. “D-Dude! Come on—the hell are you doing!?”

”Just living life, idiot!”

The desk was an alright idea; it keeps them apart for a few chaotic seconds, but then Momota makes the decision to go _over_ the stupid thing, so Kokichi takes the opening to sprint to the other side of the room. Momota lets out a frustrated groan as he gets stuck mid-vault.

”Nishishi! Gotta be quicker, Momo-chaaan! Whatever will you do if the aliens _do_ decide to invade!?”

”Why are you so fixated on me fighting aliens!?” Momota yells, finally landing down to give chase.

Kokichi _just_ ducks under Momota's arm as he comes at him, sending them both off-balance. “Ah!” Kokichi yelps, stumbling backwards. “So close, but no cigar!”

”Y-You’re a little fucker!” Momota cries, and catches himself directly in front of him; Kokichi jolts to his right as Momota jolts to his left; they both start for the other direction, blocking each other again, and Kokichi paces backwards until he makes a break for the side door of the library.

”H-Hey!” Momota calls. “ _Ouma!_ ”

Kokichi sprints for the staircase alone, and he realizes a second too late as to why Momota didn’t chase behind him; the front door of the library bursts open, and Kokichi evades Momota’s arm again as he scrambles out.

”You _jackass!_ ”

“W-Woah! Clever!” Kokichi admits, tripping only slightly as he clambers up the stairs. “But not clever enough! You gotta—“

”Fuck no I don’t!”

”—think _just_ a little bit more—ack! H-Hey, no fair, Momota-chan! Foul play!”

Kokichi hardly dodges the second shoe Momota whips at him from the bottom of the staircase; it almost throws him enough off balance to crash back down, but he finds his footing at the last second to take off for the hallway.

“Nishishi!” Kokichi giggles, and he can hear Momota run after him, and before Kokichi can stop himself, his laughter is suddenly bubbling up and over. Tears come to his eyes for the second time that day, and this time, they’re genuine and in hilarity.

He hates it. It’s brilliant. He’s starting to stumble.

“M-M-Momota-chaaan!” he laughs. “Y-You’ll never manage t-to get it back a-at this rate!”

Momota’s own laughter rings out from behind Kokichi, closing in on him as they sprint.

That’s brilliant, too. Even more so. Kokichi could listen to it forever.

“Y-Yeah!?” Momota calls back. “Like hell I won’t! I-I’m _so_ kicking your ass after this!”

”Into orbit!?” Kokichi mocks, and he feels his lead slip even more as he starts to double over. “I-I might c-combust! And I-I-I’d _love_ to become a shooting start, M-Momota-chan! I’d w-wish you a better haircut—!”

Momota’s arms close around Kokichi’s midsection right at the end of his statement, and he sends them both skidding and toppling to the ground, rolling and laughing and smiling the whole while. 

-

“Boo!”

”Fuck!” Momota yells, flinching hard and losing a shoe in the process. He almost looks like he’s going to trip, but Kokichi rushes forward to wrap his arms around his back.

”Woah there, Momo-chan! Gotta be more careful who you let near you, you know? You could end up dead! Or kidnapped, and left to dangle over a tar pit!”

Momota looks over his shoulder at him. “Alright, dude,” he says, “what do you want?”

Kokichi beams up at him. He slips a slim carton into the pocket of Momota’s jacket and lets him go.

”Just to give you that, since you were probably so tuckered out from all the running you did yesterday. Ciao!”

Kokichi makes to leave, quickly, but Momota moves even quicker to grab him by the back of his scarf. Kokichi gets pulled in place against his will as Momota reaches into his pocket.

”Hrk! Hey, Momota-chan, that’s cheating—!”

Momota pulls out a protein shake.

And smiles. “Really,” he says.

Kokichi scoffs. ”Can’t a guy do a nice gesture ever? I didn’t even drain it to fill with rocks!”

”You’re a fuckin’ weirdo,” Momota laughs, and apparently he _also_ agrees that it’s a nice gesture, because all he does is ruffle Kokichi’s hair before sending him off.

-

It’s just after the official start of nighttime when Kokichi makes his way out to the courtyard where—just as he knew he would—he finds Momota standing under the wisterias, staring skyward.

Kokichi watches him for a moment, irradiated by the artificial moonlight hung high above their heads. Momota looks...far more peaceful than he did when they all first landed in the stupid place; Kokichi’s not sure if that’s due to time wearing him down, or if something about being surrounded by stars puts him at ease. Either way, standing so still and relaxed makes him look exceptionally...

Kokichi doesn’t finish that thought. He takes a couple heavy, loud steps in Momota’s direction, then pauses when Momota looks over and spots him.

The corner of Momota’s mouth turns up.

”What a strange, odd coincidence to run into someone like you out here!” Kokichi says. He taps his chin. “Have yooou been killing time for long, or did we just arrive within minutes of each other?”

Momota shakes his head, a bit amused, maybe, then looks back up at the night sky. “I knew you were following me, dude.”

Kokichi paces over to stand beside him. “Following you? That makes it sound like I’m a stalker or something! No, I’m sure this is all just one big misunderstanding.”

Kokichi reaches out to grab the side of Momota’s jacket, but Momota’s hand shoots out to catch his wrist.

” _You_ ,” Momota stresses, leaning down to bring their faces close together, “are _not_ pulling that theft bullshit again.”

Kokichi pouts and releases Momota’s jacket, if only to get him to move further away. So near like that, Kokichi could count his eyelashes if he wanted to. And he _doesn’t_ want to. Probably not. Maybe not? He doesn’t like the way it makes his stomach feel.

Kokichi sighs. “That paranoid already, huh? I had zero plans to make off with it. As if I’d do something like that!”

Momota snorts. “You already did it once, you asshole!”

Despite his biting words, Momota doesn’t actually release Kokichi’s wrist when he turns back to the moon. Kokichi stands there, letting him hold it, his hand limp in his grasp.

“So,” Kokichi says. “Do you come out here to brood often? You were looking like a little emo boy when I showed up.”

Momota glares down at him. “I’m _not_ a little emo boy,” he emphasizes, and Kokichi is really and suddenly thankful for the fact that they’re being recorded, apparently, because he’d very much love to have that line on instant replay.

Momota glances back up again. “I was just thinking for a bit.”

”Ooh, you _think?_ ” Kokichi teases, and he’s met with another glare. “I didn’t know you had it in you, Momota-chan! What could _ever_ be _so_ important to capture the attention of the Luminary of the Stars?”

Surprisingly, Momota only rolls his eyes. “You’re not real good with this whole sincerity thing, huh?” he asks, and his mouths curves back into a smile. “If you really wanna know, I was just thinking about—ah, damn, a lot of things, I guess?” Momota frowns in thought. “Like...I mean, we’ll be out of this place, tomorrow.”

”Hmm, we sure will!” Kokichi agrees. “I mean, some of our stupid classmates actually went and completed their goals, you know? Good for them! And for us. We’ll be riding their coattails to freedom!”

Momota snorts. “Like I said,” he says, turning away, “you’re not real good with the whole sincerity thing.”

“Whaaat?” Kokichi drawls. “You’re crazy, Momo-chan! I’m _awesome_ at sincerity and compassion! Like, look at us right now, huh? We’re getting along _so_ well. See?” he says, and lifts his wrist that Momota is still holding as evidence. “We’re _totally_ friends!”

Momota actually laughs at that, for some reason, and Kokichi feels his face warm up the slightest bit, probably both at his voice and the contact they’re maintaining.

God, how embarrassing.

Just as Kokichi decides to retract his hand in an attempt to salvage his dignity, Momota’s grip slackens; instead of releasing him, he slides his hand down Kokichi’s wrist and clasps onto his fingers, gently, and then Kokichi’s body temperature goes from _mild spring afternoon_ to _blazing and dying of heat stroke in the Mojave desert, holy shit, what the fuck._

”Ouma,” Momota laughs. His hand is so much larger than Kokichi’s. It’s ridiculous. It’s cute.

And then he says, “You know we’re dating, right?”

And Kokichi freezes.

“Oh, _fuck_ no—”

”H-H-Huh!? M-Momota-chan, you—!”

“— _no_ fucking way, not a _chance_ , you are _not_ the hell freezing up on me _right_ goddamned _now_ —!”

” _F_ - _F_ - _Freezing_ up?” Kokichi stutters, yanking his hand away. “I-I’m not f-freezing up! I-I’m just—!”

”Don’t you dare!” Momota exclaims, and grabs him again. “ _You’re_ the one who’s been hitting on me this whole goddamn time, and _now_ you’re gonna say it’s a lie? No way, dude. Come on!”

Those words seem to help Kokichi recover his senses. “W-Wait, what!?” he splutters. “Hold up, Momota-chan! _I’ve_ been the one hitting on _you?_ Um, I _really_ hate to break it to you, but I never bought you a single date ticket—!”

”You—you ate lunch with me all the time!” Momota recalls. “And there was your stupid ‘love spell’ thing! We—We went to the gym together, we watched movies together, we—! We’re here in the courtyard, now! Who gives a shit about those stupid date tickets!? We still _dated!_ ”

”How was I supposed to know that was non-platonic!?” Kokichi yells. “And—And what about _you_ , huh? _You_ wouldn’t know non-platonic if it hit you with a _bus!_ ”

”Wh—What’s that supposed to mean!?”

”Sure, I took you to the gym, and to the lunchroom, and to watch a movie, but _you_  were the one who made everything worse! What about all the cuddling, huh? You were _all_ over me on the AV room couch! Y-You let me sit on your back in the gym! _You_ slept in my bed with me, idiot!”

Momota flushes red at that one. “I—I didn’t know you’d take it that way!”

”Then _why_ did you say we’re dating!?” Kokichi demands.

”M-Maybe,” Momota stammers, “maybe—hell, I don’t know! We’re—saying all this now, and—! And, fuck, I—maybe I _wanted_ you to take it that way!”

”Good!” Kokichi counters. “Maybe _I_ wanted you to take it that way, too, then! Maybe I would’ve _cried_ myself to sleep tonight if you hadn’t reciprocated my _feelings!_ ”

”So then it’s mutual!” Momota yells.

”Yeah!” Kokichi yells back. “It is! I like you a lot, idiot!”

”Well, I like you too, jackass!”

”Good!”

” _Good!_ ”

”Yeah, good!”

”Yeah!”

Momota tightens his grip on Kokichi’s fingers. Kokichi presses his thumb against the back of Momota’s hand.

At once, the tension seems to dissipate; they slowly begin smile at each other, conscious and flustered.

”This is—“

”This is a _disaster_ ,” Momota huffs with a short laugh. He’s still red in the face. “This is gonna be one huge fucking disaster of a relationship, you know that, right?”

”Oh, I know!” Kokichi cheers, stepping closer. “That’s good, though, don’t you think? Keeps us on our toes for a while.”

Momota shakes his head, still smiling. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. What are we gonna do when this shit gets out in the real world, though?”

Kokichi grins. ”Wreak havoc.”

”No, really!” Momota laughs. “Dude, this is like... I fucking trained for years to learn how to better my communication skills, and since I’ve met you, I’ve only been solving your damn word puzzles. It’s been so fucking contradictory.”

”So?” Kokichi asks. “Puzzles are fun! You’re not gonna decipher everything overnight, you know?” Kokichi taps his chin with his free hand. “Hm... As a wise man once said, you can’t make a person change to be the way you want them to be. _You_ just have to change your _perception_ of them to really find your middle ground.”

Momota raises an eyebrow. “Who was the wise man?” he asks.

“Me, of course!” Kokichi smiles. “Duh.”

Momota rolls his eyes.

Kokichi takes a breath before he starts again. “You’re...willing to try it, though?” he asks, peering up at him. “When we first met, I thought for sure you’d never want to do anything like that. I have to wonder what happened.”

”Tch!” Momota huffs. “You wore me down, idiot.” He tugs Kokichi’s hand gently, and the two of them turn to head back towards the dorms together, taking their slow, unhurried time.

”Uh, you did the same to me!” Kokichi counters, swinging their hands. “I was never even meant to like you. I only wanted to be mean to you!”

”Figured,” Momota grins. “What happened?”

”I realized you were _really_ , really dumb. That’s kind of my type.”

”Hey! Dude!”

”Nishishi! Okay, fiiine, you got me! Stupid people _aren’t_ my usual type, actually.”

“Ugh,” Momota says, shaking his head, a smile still stuck on his face. “ _Ugh_.”

Kokichi mirrors his expression and winds their fingers together. “You _do_ wanna do this, then? For real?”

”I _guess_ ,” Momota shrugs. “I mean, I don’t think there’d be any escaping you, anyway.”

”Haaarsh,” Kokichi drawls.

”Like, if we take a single misstep, man, we could end up back at square one. I do get that, but...” Momota pauses. “I think I’d still like to try it.”

Kokichi glances up at him.

“I’d like to try it, too.”

Momota meets his eyes.

”But,” Kokichi adds. “I guess I _am_ sacrificing a lot. My coolness factor, for one. What are people gonna say when I tell them I’m seeing a guy with a jacket like _that?_ ”

”Hey,” Momota smiles. “You like it, though.”

Kokichi refuses to incriminate himself.

As they finally reach the door to the dorms, they both come to a gradual stop. Momota turns around to look back out at the sky, and Kokichi follows his lead, readjusting his grip to twine their fingers tighter together. For a moment, they’re reflectively silent, but Kokichi gets bored before it can drag on for too long.

“So,” Kokichi says. “Even if you hated this place, I guess it wasn’t _all_ bad.”

”...No,” Momota returns, looking down at him, “it was still pretty damn bad.”

”Oh? But with a silver lining, right?”

”...Nah, you’re probably more like barbed wire.”

”Hey! That’s... Huuh, you know, I kind of like that. Could you use that as a pet name for me? I can call you Kai-Kai in return.”

“Uh, I think I’d _throw_ _the_ _hell_ _up_ if you ever called me that.”

They’re smiling at each other, and then Kokichi realizes they’re really just idling as an excuse to hold hands for longer, and he tries to summon up some courage from somewhere deep in his chest before he can think too much about it.

”You know,” he says, and Momota raises an eyebrow. “I can’t say I’ve ever dated a guy with such a shitty goatee before.”

Momota rolls his eyes. He moves as if to lead them away.

” _And_ _I_ _can’t_ _say_ ,” Kokichi quickly adds, tugging on Momota’s hand to keep him in place, and then he swallows, trying to keep his voice from breaking, “I’ve ever  _kissed_ a guy with such a shitty goatee before, either.”

Momota blinks.

Then laughs.

Forget—the recording, Kokichi thinks, that he wanted of him earlier. Having Momota in person is unmatched to any sort of substitute.

He undoes his hand from Kokichi’s and rests it on Kokichi’s face instead, right along his jaw.

”You’re too fucking much,” Momota sighs, and he moves in so promptly that Kokichi doesn’t get the time to process a witty comeback, which is disappointing, because he’s pretty sure he could’ve thought of one, really, and _great_ , he thinks, ‘ _you_ _like_ _that_ , _though_ ,’ he could’ve said that: ‘you like that though,’ which is funny, of course, some callback to a joke that was made earlier, it would’ve made the perfect circle, resolution, hilarious, his last gibe, and then—

And then Momota’s lips meet his, and the comeback suddenly doesn’t seem to hold any importance at all.


End file.
